(source: The World's Best Funny Songs)
There are rats, rats, rats, big as alley cats
In the store, in the store,
There are rats, rats, rats, big as alley cats
In the Quartermaster's Store
Chorus:
My eyes are dim I cannot see,
I have not brought my specs with me
I have not brought my spectacles with me
Snakes ... Big as garden rakes
Mice ... Running through the rice
Owls ... Shredding paper towels
Beetles ... Running on the needles
Snails ... Crawling on the nails
Ravens ... Acting rather craven
Ant-e-lopes ... Using all the rope
Foxes ... In all the boxes (or: Stuffed in little boxes)
Beavers ... Wielding rusty cleavers
Bears ... Running down the stairs (or: With curlers in their hair)
Buf-fa-loes ... Eating all the dough (or: With hair between their toes)
Bob-bob-whites ... Wearing silken tights
Eagles ... Chasing little beagles
Beagles ... Being chased by eagles
Fleas ... Crawling on our knees
Mer-chan-dise ... Sold at twice the price
Plat-y-pi ... Eating all the pie
Hip-hip-pos ... Stepping on our toes
Tuna ... Running 'round the room-a
Rac-rac-coons ... Stealing all the spoons
Gold-gold-finch ... Sitting on the winch
Crocks ... Eating all the lox
All-i-gators ... Eating Nilla Wafers
Trout ... Causing lots of grout
Deer ... Drinking all the coffee
Ice ... If you're really nice
Dip-lo-dacus ... Causing quite a fracas
SPLs ... Making funny smells
Bees ... Buzzing 'round the keys
Turkey ... Eating all the jerky
Al-lo-saurs... Being quite a bore
Quar-ter-masters ... Hanging from the rafters
Ants . . . wearing Wood Badge tartan pants
Apes . . . eating all the grapes
Beans . . . as big as submarines
Bees . . . with little knobby knees
Butter . . . running in the gutter
Bread . . . with great big lumps like lead
Cakes . . . that give us tummy aches
Cheese . . . that makes you want to sneeze (or: with kilts and hairy knees)
Coke . . . enough to make you choke
Eggs . . . with scary chicken legs
Flour . . . that will give you super power
Flies . . . swarming round the pies
Fishes . . . washing all the dishes
Goats . . . eating all the oats
Gravy . . . enough to float the navy
Hats . . . being worn by hairless rats
Kippers . . . in little furry slippers
Lard . . . they sell it by the yard
Leaders . . . slapping at the skeeters
Meat . . . smelling like [Name's/Sergeant's] feet
Moths . . . eating through the cloths
Pepsi . . . that gives you apoplexy
Roaches . . . sleeping in the coaches
Scouts . . . eating brussel sprouts
Soot . . . they grow it by the foot
Turtles . . . wearing rubber girdles